The Confusion I Face

I can't help but think about all the confusion I keep facing. Everyday I hope for the best, but it always turns out that something meaningful happens. I am not sure about anything anymore. I look at all the things in life that I have practically set in stone, but they never go as planned. I don't know what to do. Here is a scoop, I wanted to go to the University of Oregon, I had everything planned. My sister's parents in law even had a job arranged for me. I was extremely excited about becoming a duck. When time came to iscover my college adventures, My parents wanted me to go to an in-state school. I was very disappointed, but we agreed on Boise State University, my mom loved that school. She had been a nursing professor there for about 6 years. So of course this being my only choice I planned everything, become very excited and even applied for every scholarship possible for this school. After my plans were complete my parents decided that I was a WASTE of money. My eductaion could be completed at a local JoCo. This was frustrating. I just gave them Boise State. What? I didn't understand for the longest time. I went to file for financial aid, and I asked my parents all these questions about how much they make, and how much they are worth. This PISSED them off royal. So now, I can't get financial aid to help me go to Boise State and I can't afford it without it, unless I get massive scholarships. I worked do hard for so long to end up at a JoCo. They hardly take your high school transcript in to account. I am very frustrated, but my dad did say that he would pay for an apartment for me to live in, while I am at CWI. My life is not set in stone, I can't do anything without having major plans, so I can not decide what to do. I need them to understand. I need them to care. I AM THE BEST INVESTMENT THEY WILL EVER MAKE! I know this. I will succeed in college because I have to, it is my plan, I need to do things the way I plan or everything else falls out of place. I don't know anybody whos life turned out the way they planned. I want everything in life. I want everything to be perfect. I know exactly what I want. I don't know what to do with my parents. I don't know which way to turn. I need advice. I need help. I am so confused. Thanks for listening.

Simple Thought, No Important Thought

Do you know what makes people Athiest? Trust me Retarded people, It is not that we hate the idea of God, or that God has done us wrong. WAKE UP, DON'T diss other peoples religions, when you do not ever remotely know what they believe! I am Athiest, it is NOT BAD! We DO NOT worship the devil. We DON'T believe in the Devil, oh forgive me for saying we, because we, as in everyone who is athiest, are not a group, or colloective religion. It is just me as an athiest having no religion. Way to ruin my day stupid ones......!

My Search for the Perfect Car

Here's the scoop....I bought this , what I thought was amazing Mercury Cougar in October. My father and I searched forever for a car, and he truely thought he found a great deal. When I bought the car it was in Reno, so I had to have it hauled. Hauling was around $500. Once I got in here, oh by the way it was a week late, we found that the haulers put a HUGE hole in the oil pan when they loaded it. This was extremely devistating to me. Do you know how hard it is to find an oil pan?! It is rediculous. Once we found one it was around $100. This was the hard part...finding time for my brother Casey to put the new one in, the shop was full for the next 2 weeks. Finally Casey works his magic and it is in! What I al of a sudden can't back the Cougar out of the shop? Not a good sign. The transmission was so blown it couldn't go in reverse. I was ready to cry, my entire savings plus the $600 quick repairs, I was now too broke to pay for a transmission. My parents decided to buy me a new transmission for Christmas, nice gesture, but I know I will bring myself to pay them back. So continuing with my outragously long car story... My dad hired my brother Colton's room mate Jake, who is supposed to be a certified car mechanic. Turns out we were wrong about that. Colton and Jake took out the old Transmission to only find that there was water in the oil pan. Once again, a horrible situation. My dad finally decided that the 'ol Cougar was a P.O.S. So eventually Jake was fired, and Colton finished putting the transmission in. A couple of days ago Colton told me Jake bent the Specer Plate when he put the transmission in. This is not good, it makes a significant grinding noise. In order to bend the plate back you would have to take the transmission out again. Colton decided to leave it and let it wear out, in the mean time my dad and I were talking about how we were going to sell the stupid car and get a new one. I am excited about a new car, but I am not excited about never getting the money I put into the car back out of it. Thank you for reading this extremely long blog today. I felt the need to vent, in a way. Anyway thanks.

Pondering Apperance

Today: Well I thought a lot about superficial apperances today. I kept thinking about how all the girls I know, I thought about how we all try so hard to look like celebrities in magazines. This of course is impossible. I know this, and I know they know this yet we keep trying, day in and day out. I wish we all didn't try so hard. I spend thousands of dollars a year just to control my acne. This is starting to get crazy in my opnion. I think if we focused all that energy on learing and education, by this day we would have develpoed a machine that would "ZAP" us beautiful. Funny Stuff.

The Big 2009

Well 2009 is a HUGE year for me. I have to get all these classes finished to graduate. I think maybe High school need to focus more on education rather then life, we can all take care of ourselves. I have graduation this year, and college to start saving for. I am so swamped, really day off would be nice. Actually I just had 3.5 weeks off and still need a day. I think pressure just gets to me. Here's the thing I think I get so stressed that I just start doing really nothing about it, or anything I need to do, I start feeling sick and I work out like crazy when I am stressed...well that last one might be a plus, but still my senior year is not all that great. I was hoping for this fantastic year with all of my great friends, parties, and total fun really. NOT! I am so scared I won't get my apprenticeship done and I will end up not graduating, I think my parents would literally kill me.